It was just a month ago when I felt a little empty. Guilty. For not doing anything except eat, sleep and watch Gossip Girl and all the Oscar nominees. Now, I'm in the wild world of my practicum in UP, with a pale attempt to finish all my unfinished master's degree business.
It's really hard, you know. The program we are in is quite intensive, and with its condensed lesson plans, I feel myself losing control. I cannot calculate my time, I sweat beads in front of my students, and after my second session I feel that there is always something wrong with how or what I am teaching.
My daughter is also shortchanged here. My attention to her and her dad are divided now. That sometimes, I catch myself thinking about all the things I need to print instead of listening to my husband's cuento. And my daughter? She kind of knows that early in the morning is Mama Work time. How sad, sad, sad.
But, as I say how hectic and harassed I feel (photo-finish), there is a big part of me that feels excited and fulfilled. It has been more than a year since I last taught in front of children. And bragging aside, it's creepy to realize I do have that gift of connecting with them, that I have not yet lost that passion to teach. Every child is still a life to reach out to, to touch. And I still feel this tremendous amount of responsibility for each one to learn.
I keep telling myself I will give my children (well if another one will be coming, I only have one for now) a few years before I work full time again. But I am also scared that I might get impatient and restless, and so I am thinking of meeting my and their needs halfway. I probably will tutor (to apply my MA) and will think of another racket (a preschool maybe?). Well, we will see. But I have to finish my MA first. Oh, why is that so HAARRRRD??
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Training for 10k
I have been running since January, my birthday. From Happy Run, I just kept joining 5k races, and of course, I never win. I started with 49 mins, now I am down to 40 mins. Yes, a big difference, but I feel that my speed is not picking up at all. I have joined the following:
Happy Run
DLS Run
Dare To Care
Doc Fit
Condura Run
Pinay In Action
Slimmerun
Only in Pinay In Action did I run from beginning to the end. So I am really a beginner in this kind of sport, but by God, I really love it. I get chills from watching people all running and trying to convince themsleves that they can do it, including me. I know I look kinda dumb running, but I don't really care. I feel like a child who is given a favorite toy....
Recently, I have made a decision to train not for speed but for endurance. I felt that I needed to challenge myself, and maybe, if I lengthen my distance, speed may just improve. Yesterday, I ran 6.6 k in UP, for about an hour. My husband said that's so slow, but I was really proud of myself, because I did not think I was going to last that long running, no walking at all. So I guess I can see baby steps in my improvement. I am just hoping my knees are strong enough for me to reach my goal...
Happy Run
DLS Run
Dare To Care
Doc Fit
Condura Run
Pinay In Action
Slimmerun
Only in Pinay In Action did I run from beginning to the end. So I am really a beginner in this kind of sport, but by God, I really love it. I get chills from watching people all running and trying to convince themsleves that they can do it, including me. I know I look kinda dumb running, but I don't really care. I feel like a child who is given a favorite toy....
Recently, I have made a decision to train not for speed but for endurance. I felt that I needed to challenge myself, and maybe, if I lengthen my distance, speed may just improve. Yesterday, I ran 6.6 k in UP, for about an hour. My husband said that's so slow, but I was really proud of myself, because I did not think I was going to last that long running, no walking at all. So I guess I can see baby steps in my improvement. I am just hoping my knees are strong enough for me to reach my goal...
Sunday, April 5, 2009
My Daughter's Birthday
It was my daughter's second birthday today. I started the day with my training, an easy 3.4 k run, and greeted my sweet Ava a happy birthday when she awoke. We had a really simple day today. Went to mass at nine with her lolo and lola and ninang, I treated the family to Mc Donalds and Ava indulged in french fries, rested in the afternoon but attended a 7th birthday party of Rod's friend's daughter. After, we ordered pizza and ate in her Lola Nieves' house, where everyone doted on my little one.
Gosh, another year. I am so thankful that Ava is healthy and strong, well a little too headstrong, but I am glad that I am with her everyday, and now she is attempting to sing and talk in sentences, and climbs up the stairs with more confidence (and more fear for me). Well I cannot help but feel excited, but at the same time scared as she has now entered the wild world of the terrible two stage. All the crying, and the tantrums, and I definitely see a big difference from how she was when she just turned one and now that she is two. She used to be so clingy with me, but now she prefers her yaya's, that in a way makes me feel horrible. Well, I know I should not compete, but should instead be glad that so many people love my daughter.
Anyway, I hope that someday, she may be able to read this message I have for her:
Cutie Pie, I love you very very much and I am so thankful God gave you to me and your dada- Mama
Love love love my baby.
Gosh, another year. I am so thankful that Ava is healthy and strong, well a little too headstrong, but I am glad that I am with her everyday, and now she is attempting to sing and talk in sentences, and climbs up the stairs with more confidence (and more fear for me). Well I cannot help but feel excited, but at the same time scared as she has now entered the wild world of the terrible two stage. All the crying, and the tantrums, and I definitely see a big difference from how she was when she just turned one and now that she is two. She used to be so clingy with me, but now she prefers her yaya's, that in a way makes me feel horrible. Well, I know I should not compete, but should instead be glad that so many people love my daughter.
Anyway, I hope that someday, she may be able to read this message I have for her:
Cutie Pie, I love you very very much and I am so thankful God gave you to me and your dada- Mama
Love love love my baby.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
EraserHeads Hangover
I am so lucky I got to watch Eraser heads last night. I went with my UP friends, and we braved the MOA (with its crazy traffic) and paid P1,300 for a very memorable night such as this. Well, so sad we were not able to witness the first set, but hell, we were there for the FINAL one! Here's my list of memorable events that transpired that night...
1. The production was very very good, with the cameras for each member for peasant audiences such as us who could only compare their actual sizes with our fat fingers... I loved the whole effects of blue and hazy when they sang Spolarium... thought that was totally captivating. And the fireworks were overwhelming, too..
2. The band sang Magasin as their first song, which engaged the audience right away.
3. I realized I didn't know all their songs, but I had fun listening to them. Some even reminded me of Simon and Garfunkle and the Beatles' Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club.
4. ELY BUENDIA WILL ALWAYS BE MY COLLEGE and FOREVER CRUSH... (I am really wondering how I can stalk him....) My God, when he sang Kailan with the spotlight on him, hands on his pockets, and the lonely piano playing, I thought, how come I never attracted rockers in my life? Drat.... I loved his first look, his pink polo with a bitin tie, aviator shades, and wind blown hair!!! Makes me want to go back to college again....
5. Their whole acoustic set was a little awkward, until they sang Pare Ko. Loved it when finally, Ely said Tang Ina!!! Woohoo, I thought that was a hoot. They looked more comfortable this time, so maybe there is a chance of reuniting????
6. I loved Marcus' reggae version of Wag Mo Na!!! He brought so much comic relief...
7. Raimund reminded me of the Prodigy.. I forgot though what he sang but he was a hoot!
8. The tribute to Francis M when they sang the chorus of Kaleidoscope World was touching. I mean, why was it so timely that Francis M had to pass away the day before their concert? Looking back, I remember the EHeads had a concert in Studebakers that our organization in college handled. They sang SuperProxy and in the album, Francis M really rapped one part of the song. We were so surprised that Francis M appeared in fundraiser with the Eheads to rap his part of SuperProxy, and stayed to enjoy drinks with the band after... God bless his soul... He was such a beaming ray of light to all of us....
9. They sang Alapaap, one of their very best songs, which they had already done in their previous reunion concert... Now to my husband's dismay, I can't stop singing the papapapapapa.....
10. AAAAAHHHH!!! They sang Minsan, a song that I really find sentimental. I remember years ago, ABS CBN had this commercial about congratulating the graduates of 1994, that was my high school year, I saw the whole campaign and I noticed as they flashed pictures of graduates, they played that wonderful song. It really reminds me of my youth, of UP, of friendship. I also realized that it was their song, that once in their ever dynamic lives, they were ones such good, good friends... And their break up in the past did cause a feeling of personal loss. Because for me, they can't really survive without each other, right?
11. Ely set the piano on fire!!!!
12. Talk about jamming!!!! When they said good bye, and we were all lining up, they appeared again and sang 3 for the road... This I will never forget, Ligaya (my "acquaintance" with the group), Sem Break (my first sem break in UP), and Toyang (my undying love for Ely-mwaahahahha!!) My friends and I will never EVER forget that...
Well, those are the only things I remember. I hope they realize that they can't succeed without each other, it's as if they need each other to make it work, right?
1. The production was very very good, with the cameras for each member for peasant audiences such as us who could only compare their actual sizes with our fat fingers... I loved the whole effects of blue and hazy when they sang Spolarium... thought that was totally captivating. And the fireworks were overwhelming, too..
2. The band sang Magasin as their first song, which engaged the audience right away.
3. I realized I didn't know all their songs, but I had fun listening to them. Some even reminded me of Simon and Garfunkle and the Beatles' Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club.
4. ELY BUENDIA WILL ALWAYS BE MY COLLEGE and FOREVER CRUSH... (I am really wondering how I can stalk him....) My God, when he sang Kailan with the spotlight on him, hands on his pockets, and the lonely piano playing, I thought, how come I never attracted rockers in my life? Drat.... I loved his first look, his pink polo with a bitin tie, aviator shades, and wind blown hair!!! Makes me want to go back to college again....
5. Their whole acoustic set was a little awkward, until they sang Pare Ko. Loved it when finally, Ely said Tang Ina!!! Woohoo, I thought that was a hoot. They looked more comfortable this time, so maybe there is a chance of reuniting????
6. I loved Marcus' reggae version of Wag Mo Na!!! He brought so much comic relief...
7. Raimund reminded me of the Prodigy.. I forgot though what he sang but he was a hoot!
8. The tribute to Francis M when they sang the chorus of Kaleidoscope World was touching. I mean, why was it so timely that Francis M had to pass away the day before their concert? Looking back, I remember the EHeads had a concert in Studebakers that our organization in college handled. They sang SuperProxy and in the album, Francis M really rapped one part of the song. We were so surprised that Francis M appeared in fundraiser with the Eheads to rap his part of SuperProxy, and stayed to enjoy drinks with the band after... God bless his soul... He was such a beaming ray of light to all of us....
9. They sang Alapaap, one of their very best songs, which they had already done in their previous reunion concert... Now to my husband's dismay, I can't stop singing the papapapapapa.....
10. AAAAAHHHH!!! They sang Minsan, a song that I really find sentimental. I remember years ago, ABS CBN had this commercial about congratulating the graduates of 1994, that was my high school year, I saw the whole campaign and I noticed as they flashed pictures of graduates, they played that wonderful song. It really reminds me of my youth, of UP, of friendship. I also realized that it was their song, that once in their ever dynamic lives, they were ones such good, good friends... And their break up in the past did cause a feeling of personal loss. Because for me, they can't really survive without each other, right?
11. Ely set the piano on fire!!!!
12. Talk about jamming!!!! When they said good bye, and we were all lining up, they appeared again and sang 3 for the road... This I will never forget, Ligaya (my "acquaintance" with the group), Sem Break (my first sem break in UP), and Toyang (my undying love for Ely-mwaahahahha!!) My friends and I will never EVER forget that...
Well, those are the only things I remember. I hope they realize that they can't succeed without each other, it's as if they need each other to make it work, right?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Sunset, Sunrise
It's 8:45 in the morning and I am wondering why my baby girl and my husband are still asleep. I thought I was the hog, well, it looks like my daughter inherited this "gene" from me. Anyway, I woke up at 8 in the morning, and I realized the fact that I am a pretty nocturnal person after all.
Well, not really, oh.... well, if you were to ask me, my favorite part of the day is when the sun sets. Yup, that's it. Why? I don't know. Maybe because sunsets mean a lot of things, first, my passion for the beach. So beautiful to see faces touched with shades of red, orange, and yellow, and everybody smiling and having a great time. The sunset is a sign of a day well spent (working), and the promise of an evening of unwinding. I think that's where the "happy hour" was based, right? After a hard day's work, here comes time to enjoy and relax. I find it really sad that many companies demand so much from their employees, that their employees hardly see any daylight because of their heavy load and dreadful deadlines.
Since I prefer evenings over mornings, (I swear, sometimes you see me in the morning with my mouth open, staring blankly), I choose to sleep at around 10-11 pm, surfing the net, watching E news live, only after I have successfully put my daughter to sleep. There are nights when I choose to stay up late, ignoring the feeling of drowsiness, for what? I don't know. Wala lang. Tamad matulog. Kind of dumb, right? Because in the middle of the night, I have to wake up and go to the bathroom, or change my daughter's diaper, or prepare her milk. And then I regret my laziness to succumb in slumber.
Nowadays, though, since I have incorporated days for races, I am forced to wake up at 4 am on Sundays. My eyes are still half closed, I change into my singlet and my running shorts. I really hate it that the world is still dark and quiet. I feel like some thief trying to escape from the stillness of early morning.
But because of these races I get to see the mysterious side of the sunrise. I tell you, it's equally beautiful as the sunset!! The skies from their black tones, become grey, then dark blue, and dawn starts breaking in, and streaks of white and yellow appear, and before you know it, the ever changing sky becomes periwinkle, and the world evolves into one that we are used to. It's a weird feeling because I hate waking up so early due to lack of sleep, numbness, and all that crap. But when I see this, I also get the feeling of achievement that this occurrence is an everyday mundane thing, but I am only one of the few who gets to see it unfold. It's like I am led into an open secret, and I get to enjoy its hidden beauty.
Though the beauty of the sunrise is tempting, i you were to ask me if I will change my lifestyle to witness it some more, I don't think I'd do it. It's in my system already to sleep late and wake up late. I know that to appreciate something this magnificent, I would have to do it rarely, so I won't take it for granted. It's like the secret to a lasting friendship, you see your friend in small doses. That way you don't breed any contempt due to familiarity.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
In Defense of The Daster
Haha. I was thinking a while ago about what I was wearing. A duster/daster... (well, I'll write it the way I say it!). Yes, the baclaran/divisoria hit that makes almost all middle class matrons feel like it is their best friend. My sister Treena always says that she will never be caught dead wearing one, and she resorts to her nighties worn even during the day... (ha, same thing, only hers is silk!:P). But is it that makes me and other moms feel they are paralyzed once they step out of the house wearing the deadly D anyway? And why do I still continue to wear such horrendous, figure unflattering tents? Here's my not so intelligent analysis of it...
Dasters somehow give a real portrait of the Filipino matron. Losyang, ika nga. Yes, I am guilty of that. Like my mother, when I get home in my skinny jeans and my pale attempt to look hot in a sexy top, the first thing that comes to my mind is COMFORT. I am one of those who are obsessive compulsive about their beds, I never lie on mine unless I wear something fresh and clean. And because I am tired from the outside world trying to make porma, I choose to pull out something that is loose, clean and comfortable. With one piece, I am decent and covered up to my calves, unlike shorts and shirt, I have to wear a bra, put on my shorts that don't even close when I'm full (which is all the time)!! So I guess the daster is something we choose to turn to....
Yes, a Filipino matron has many facets. One of them portrayed in many movies, a yelling wife to an inebriate and infidel husband, one that uses rollers for their hair but never takes them off and a newspaper for whacking flies and disobedient children. Something of a caricature... ridiculously funny but creepily true... And the daster is a reminder of some of us about our own personal household dramas that we don't dare share with anybody. Something to be kept in the baul of our memories, unearthed only in our nightmares (or when a gun is already pointing at our heads)
Another point to observe is that everyone, even the Catholic Church who is all about simplicity and meekness reminds us wives to look beautiful and presentable for our spouses, and so where does the daster fit in the picture? The daster that has no glamor, is billowy and totally tacky with the lapu lapu prints and the gumamelas and the tie-dyes that even killed Woodstock (or Victor Wood)? Come to think of it, it does take away whatever attempts we have in trying to look like a Heidi Klum or an Angelina Jolie.... and maybe that's the cause of husbands' cheating, I don't know.... and in some situations, maybe it's the daster's fault that husbands tend to look the other way at some sexy and bodacious babe... maybe....
But then you can't blame the daster, you know. For all its lack of visual presentation and possible causes of marital woes, it can also compensate for a happy, contented wife, and a flexible mother, braving the domestic challenges such as cooking, playing with kids, cleaning, etc. For me, the gumamelas and the tie-dyes also remind me to relax not just my body but also my mind, to believe that in a very small part of this world, I can just be myself, no false appearances, no porma, no nothing, and concentrate on other things... When I'm in one, no, I may not step out of the house, but come to think of it, heck, maybe I should, because no matter how beautifully made up and polished I want to look in front of people, I am also real, imperfect but happy and contented in a comfortable kind of way. I mean, after all, I AM a Filipino matron... (but I'll save the rollers for special occasions...)
Dasters somehow give a real portrait of the Filipino matron. Losyang, ika nga. Yes, I am guilty of that. Like my mother, when I get home in my skinny jeans and my pale attempt to look hot in a sexy top, the first thing that comes to my mind is COMFORT. I am one of those who are obsessive compulsive about their beds, I never lie on mine unless I wear something fresh and clean. And because I am tired from the outside world trying to make porma, I choose to pull out something that is loose, clean and comfortable. With one piece, I am decent and covered up to my calves, unlike shorts and shirt, I have to wear a bra, put on my shorts that don't even close when I'm full (which is all the time)!! So I guess the daster is something we choose to turn to....
Yes, a Filipino matron has many facets. One of them portrayed in many movies, a yelling wife to an inebriate and infidel husband, one that uses rollers for their hair but never takes them off and a newspaper for whacking flies and disobedient children. Something of a caricature... ridiculously funny but creepily true... And the daster is a reminder of some of us about our own personal household dramas that we don't dare share with anybody. Something to be kept in the baul of our memories, unearthed only in our nightmares (or when a gun is already pointing at our heads)
Another point to observe is that everyone, even the Catholic Church who is all about simplicity and meekness reminds us wives to look beautiful and presentable for our spouses, and so where does the daster fit in the picture? The daster that has no glamor, is billowy and totally tacky with the lapu lapu prints and the gumamelas and the tie-dyes that even killed Woodstock (or Victor Wood)? Come to think of it, it does take away whatever attempts we have in trying to look like a Heidi Klum or an Angelina Jolie.... and maybe that's the cause of husbands' cheating, I don't know.... and in some situations, maybe it's the daster's fault that husbands tend to look the other way at some sexy and bodacious babe... maybe....
But then you can't blame the daster, you know. For all its lack of visual presentation and possible causes of marital woes, it can also compensate for a happy, contented wife, and a flexible mother, braving the domestic challenges such as cooking, playing with kids, cleaning, etc. For me, the gumamelas and the tie-dyes also remind me to relax not just my body but also my mind, to believe that in a very small part of this world, I can just be myself, no false appearances, no porma, no nothing, and concentrate on other things... When I'm in one, no, I may not step out of the house, but come to think of it, heck, maybe I should, because no matter how beautifully made up and polished I want to look in front of people, I am also real, imperfect but happy and contented in a comfortable kind of way. I mean, after all, I AM a Filipino matron... (but I'll save the rollers for special occasions...)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
A Not So Typical Valentine's Celebration Part 2
Sorry for that...bitin ba?
Anwyay, we were at the Siem Reap Airport, which seemed to represent the mood of the whole place, quiet and tranquil. What a small but beautiful airport that was! I felt our own domestic airport was miles away from theirs in terms of cleanliness, and professionalism... ahem.
Rod decided to book Mr. Lee Ann for the day. We first went to the hot air balloon place. Going there in our airconditioned camry was such a beautiful experience. We could feel the heat intensify outside, but we were distracted by the many beautiful trees in Siem Reap. Watching the tuk tuks, motorcycles and the bicycles under the centuries old trees was a memory to keep forever.
Our hot air balloon ride was $15 each, which shocked Rod since his last information it was only $10 (how prices change so quickly). We rode with some Asian tourists, and I had a tickly feeling in my tummy! The balloon ride was just vertical, only to view Siem Reap from around 100 feet above. We enjoyed it, though. The vastness of the Angkor Wat was breathtaking... how could they build an efficient water system that long ago? And then the famous Phnom Bakeng could also be seen.
After pictures were taken, at around 10 am (Cambodian time but 11 our time), we ate in a restaurant near Angkor Wat. Mr. Lee recommended it to us. These restaurants are like hawkers that are arranged in one array and it's up to you to choose which adventure you'd like. But they're all the same... I ordered my beef loc lac, which Rod chose a more western meal. Well, it was ok. But the fanta was fantastic! Haha. One tip you should always remember is that you always have to hydrate yourself in Cambodia. And a little sweetness in your liquids won't hurt...
Before going to Angkor Thom, the biggest city in Siem Reap, I bought myself a simple but practical souvenir- a hat! Of course the vendor was trying really hard to jack up the price with $4, I bought it for $2 (drat, I should have haggled my first price at $.50). It was a very helpful souvenir since the heat in Cambodia was scorching, but I looked like a die hard Cambodia tourist.
We got to Angkor Thom's South Gate, and already, Rod and I had our mouths open with the careful detail of the arrays of gods and demons greeting us. (I chose to pose with the demons, like attracts like?) My husband's eyes were getting white again, and he was in a picture-taking trance. I, on the other hand, posed willingly for him. Nothing beats seeing posing for a happy husband, right?
Bayon was a stunner... Many enigmatic faces that in your mind you are wondering how on earth could they build such structures! I posed trying to kiss one enigmatic face, but my chin was protruding.... I got lazy to
Anwyay, we were at the Siem Reap Airport, which seemed to represent the mood of the whole place, quiet and tranquil. What a small but beautiful airport that was! I felt our own domestic airport was miles away from theirs in terms of cleanliness, and professionalism... ahem.
Rod decided to book Mr. Lee Ann for the day. We first went to the hot air balloon place. Going there in our airconditioned camry was such a beautiful experience. We could feel the heat intensify outside, but we were distracted by the many beautiful trees in Siem Reap. Watching the tuk tuks, motorcycles and the bicycles under the centuries old trees was a memory to keep forever.
Our hot air balloon ride was $15 each, which shocked Rod since his last information it was only $10 (how prices change so quickly). We rode with some Asian tourists, and I had a tickly feeling in my tummy! The balloon ride was just vertical, only to view Siem Reap from around 100 feet above. We enjoyed it, though. The vastness of the Angkor Wat was breathtaking... how could they build an efficient water system that long ago? And then the famous Phnom Bakeng could also be seen.
After pictures were taken, at around 10 am (Cambodian time but 11 our time), we ate in a restaurant near Angkor Wat. Mr. Lee recommended it to us. These restaurants are like hawkers that are arranged in one array and it's up to you to choose which adventure you'd like. But they're all the same... I ordered my beef loc lac, which Rod chose a more western meal. Well, it was ok. But the fanta was fantastic! Haha. One tip you should always remember is that you always have to hydrate yourself in Cambodia. And a little sweetness in your liquids won't hurt...
Before going to Angkor Thom, the biggest city in Siem Reap, I bought myself a simple but practical souvenir- a hat! Of course the vendor was trying really hard to jack up the price with $4, I bought it for $2 (drat, I should have haggled my first price at $.50). It was a very helpful souvenir since the heat in Cambodia was scorching, but I looked like a die hard Cambodia tourist.
We got to Angkor Thom's South Gate, and already, Rod and I had our mouths open with the careful detail of the arrays of gods and demons greeting us. (I chose to pose with the demons, like attracts like?) My husband's eyes were getting white again, and he was in a picture-taking trance. I, on the other hand, posed willingly for him. Nothing beats seeing posing for a happy husband, right?
Bayon was a stunner... Many enigmatic faces that in your mind you are wondering how on earth could they build such structures! I posed trying to kiss one enigmatic face, but my chin was protruding.... I got lazy to
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