Birth Pains

Im so sleepy. Yet I can't sleep. Is this the result of exhaustion? Probably. Or a cup of brewed coffee. Oh well. anyway, yes, I have given birth already. I am now trying to overcome the pain of a caesarian birth, and this common but not so common case of my recovery from my adhesions poses a challenge. I want to enumerate all my pains, in order for me to overcome them.

- adhesions
- sore nipples from breastfeeding
- lack of sleep
- hunger
- anxiety
- other body pains

My adhesions are really, really bad. Even my ob gyne feels for me, although she never experienced it. The pain heightens at night, when I am really exhausted and eager to sleep. And it is bothersome when I pee, sneeze, laugh, or cough. Terrible, terrible. This will take about a month or two to fully disappear.

Sore nipples- Agustin is not just a voracious eater but a cranky, fussy voracious eater. He gets so fussy before he can latch onto my nipple. It's crazy. It takes 5 to even 20 minutes for him to succeed, and it bothers me. Although once he gets it, it gets smooth sailing already. i think the lack of patience comes from me. After all he is only reaching his second week, and I am so eager to get past the adjustment stage. So there, I know I need a support system (hubby, etc) to let me get through this.

Anxiety - that is my problem now. My mind keeps running wild with unnecessary worries, thinking and thinking, to a point I am in tears and crying uncontrollably. I have no reason to be sad, in fact I am grateful for everything. But, I find myself fearful of the future, thinking of what will happen, trying to protect my two children. I feel guilty that I have to let go of my first born as my baby, but I also feel sad that she has also let go of me as the center of her life. It is a sad and painful journey to witness this, but I guess, I just have to accept this change. She is sometimes regressing, sometimes acting up, but I am also glad that she loves her baby brother very much.And as much as possible I try to involve her in taking care of the baby.

There. Now that I have finally written down my thoughts and feelings, I feel a little bit unloaded. I know this is temporary, fleeting, and that in due time, things will get better. I know it...