busy busy busy

It was just a month ago when I felt a little empty. Guilty. For not doing anything except eat, sleep and watch Gossip Girl and all the Oscar nominees. Now, I'm in the wild world of my practicum in UP, with a pale attempt to finish all my unfinished master's degree business.

It's really hard, you know. The program we are in is quite intensive, and with its condensed lesson plans, I feel myself losing control. I cannot calculate my time, I sweat beads in front of my students, and after my second session I feel that there is always something wrong with how or what I am teaching.

My daughter is also shortchanged here. My attention to her and her dad are divided now. That sometimes, I catch myself thinking about all the things I need to print instead of listening to my husband's cuento. And my daughter? She kind of knows that early in the morning is Mama Work time. How sad, sad, sad.

But, as I say how hectic and harassed I feel (photo-finish), there is a big part of me that feels excited and fulfilled. It has been more than a year since I last taught in front of children. And bragging aside, it's creepy to realize I do have that gift of connecting with them, that I have not yet lost that passion to teach. Every child is still a life to reach out to, to touch. And I still feel this tremendous amount of responsibility for each one to learn.

I keep telling myself I will give my children (well if another one will be coming, I only have one for now) a few years before I work full time again. But I am also scared that I might get impatient and restless, and so I am thinking of meeting my and their needs halfway. I probably will tutor (to apply my MA) and will think of another racket (a preschool maybe?). Well, we will see. But I have to finish my MA first. Oh, why is that so HAARRRRD??

Training for 10k

I have been running since January, my birthday. From Happy Run, I just kept joining 5k races, and of course, I never win. I started with 49 mins, now I am down to 40 mins. Yes, a big difference, but I feel that my speed is not picking up at all. I have joined the following:

Happy Run
DLS Run
Dare To Care
Doc Fit
Condura Run
Pinay In Action
Slimmerun

Only in Pinay In Action did I run from beginning to the end. So I am really a beginner in this kind of sport, but by God, I really love it. I get chills from watching people all running and trying to convince themsleves that they can do it, including me. I know I look kinda dumb running, but I don't really care. I feel like a child who is given a favorite toy....

Recently, I have made a decision to train not for speed but for endurance. I felt that I needed to challenge myself, and maybe, if I lengthen my distance, speed may just improve. Yesterday, I ran 6.6 k in UP, for about an hour. My husband said that's so slow, but I was really proud of myself, because I did not think I was going to last that long running, no walking at all. So I guess I can see baby steps in my improvement. I am just hoping my knees are strong enough for me to reach my goal...

My Daughter's Birthday

It was my daughter's second birthday today. I started the day with my training, an easy 3.4 k run, and greeted my sweet Ava a happy birthday when she awoke. We had a really simple day today. Went to mass at nine with her lolo and lola and ninang, I treated the family to Mc Donalds and Ava indulged in french fries, rested in the afternoon but attended a 7th birthday party of Rod's friend's daughter. After, we ordered pizza and ate in her Lola Nieves' house, where everyone doted on my little one.

Gosh, another year. I am so thankful that Ava is healthy and strong, well a little too headstrong, but I am glad that I am with her everyday, and now she is attempting to sing and talk in sentences, and climbs up the stairs with more confidence (and more fear for me). Well I cannot help but feel excited, but at the same time scared as she has now entered the wild world of the terrible two stage. All the crying, and the tantrums, and I definitely see a big difference from how she was when she just turned one and now that she is two. She used to be so clingy with me, but now she prefers her yaya's, that in a way makes me feel horrible. Well, I know I should not compete, but should instead be glad that so many people love my daughter.

Anyway, I hope that someday, she may be able to read this message I have for her:

Cutie Pie, I love you very very much and I am so thankful God gave you to me and your dada- Mama

Love love love my baby.