Revenge of the Nerds

I am getting my draft today. I am also having a quiz in my penalty course. After decades and decades of being disciplined by the academe and even working in the academe, I still get scared. I still get grade conscious. I still feel guilty when I am unable to read my handouts.

I was never the stereotypical nerd. Maybe I lacked the cognitive ability. I was always high average in my IQ tests, and everyone thought I was an overachiever (siguro ang baba talaga ng IQ ko). My mom would always joke that I showed so much promise in kinder, only to be average as I grew up. And I was always compared to my eldest sister who was a genius. I flunked out of Law school after topping exams the sem before. Imagine what effect this had on my self perception!!


Now that I'm a little older (not wiser, hehe), there are many realizations I have about myself. One is that I am blessed. Yeah, I have these limitations, weaknesses (you have no idea what an exam could do to me), distractions (so weak I will resort to reading 50 shades darker instead of researching)(and I always forget what I'm supposed to do!!!!), but I think at the end of the day, I get the job done! Yup, I am a scatterbrain, but once I hyperfocus, better be sure you perform your end of the deal or I bark at you. Also that I am older, a little more jaded and experienced, I am less afraid to tell you what you did or did not do.


Maybe I'm beginning to love myself more. Or tolerate myself even better.