I joined the Auto Review 10 k Run last Sunday. Little did I know it was going to so memorable.
First off, I didn't estimate the difficulty of Mc Kinley Hill. Shocks, the first two km were challenging already, and the second they said go, I knew I was going to be the last....
It was a slow run for me, since I do not practice sprints (yes, I know I should). I was getting tense seeing everybody in the other side while I was still making a u turn..
But I chose to let it go and have fun. Until I encountered a fellow runner (male), who cheated by making a short cut... Well, the last one to finish and all, I said to myself I would have to do this fair and square.
When we got out of the Heritage Park, the heat was scorching. I just smiled at the marshalls, they all probably thought I was so super slow, but I really didn't care. What mattered was that I was going to finish it.
I had two policemen behind me, and a marshall accompanying me to the last kilometer. They were really patient with me (it was my race after all). And when I got back, my goodness. They announced me as the LAST RUNNER!! I just had to be a good sport and took my cap off in acknowledgement. I knew someone was still behind me, but I was "lucky" enough to pronounced the last man standing....
My official time was around 1:35, well, others (even my husband) found it embarrassing, but I thought it was a special experience. And I know I have to look at it this way, so that I can make y runs much better. I don't want to get humiliated, angry, or engage in self pity. No room for that s#*t. I'm just glad I experienced that kind of fanfare...:)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
ADD, Oh You Know Me!
I really don't know how my husband can love me. Really. Before we got married (in 2006, far, far away in the island of Mactan), we had been together for almost 10 years. Yes, breakups here and there. Arguments, etc. etc. But really, I find myself wondering why the hell he could stand me?
No, this isn't my love diary and all. It's just a point I am trying to drive at. You see, I was never diagnosed to have ADD. But I feel it in my heart that I do. The signs are all there, even screaming at your face. I have all my things scattered, and even these objects laying on my big table have a wide range of topics, from my MA in Reading, to my new found hobby or business which is embellishments, to sewing, to being (or wanting to be) a fashion artist, to running. Shocks. Sometimes even I cannot find the right path. And obviously, I cannot be led to salvation.
I've now noticed about myself that I start things with a high level of enthusiasm. Example? Law school, Sped, Reading, Tutorial. In hobbies? Sewing, now embellishing. In sports? Badminton, boxing, swimming, and now running. I cannot stay loyal to one. And I hate it that down the line, I cannot master anything. Any thing.
It's really a shame. I feel that in the middle of my striving hard to reach my goals, I give up, or I lose interest. And I cannot find it in my physiological makeup to find the strength to maintain whatever interest. Oh well...
That's why my MA is important to me. I do need to finish something you know. I am about to be done with my practicum, and it's the thesis that I just cannot hurdle. I am really, praying so mighty hard to finish it. Not only for my title, but also to remind myself that despite this difficulty I know I have, I can overcome it.
Well, good luck to me....
No, this isn't my love diary and all. It's just a point I am trying to drive at. You see, I was never diagnosed to have ADD. But I feel it in my heart that I do. The signs are all there, even screaming at your face. I have all my things scattered, and even these objects laying on my big table have a wide range of topics, from my MA in Reading, to my new found hobby or business which is embellishments, to sewing, to being (or wanting to be) a fashion artist, to running. Shocks. Sometimes even I cannot find the right path. And obviously, I cannot be led to salvation.
I've now noticed about myself that I start things with a high level of enthusiasm. Example? Law school, Sped, Reading, Tutorial. In hobbies? Sewing, now embellishing. In sports? Badminton, boxing, swimming, and now running. I cannot stay loyal to one. And I hate it that down the line, I cannot master anything. Any thing.
It's really a shame. I feel that in the middle of my striving hard to reach my goals, I give up, or I lose interest. And I cannot find it in my physiological makeup to find the strength to maintain whatever interest. Oh well...
That's why my MA is important to me. I do need to finish something you know. I am about to be done with my practicum, and it's the thesis that I just cannot hurdle. I am really, praying so mighty hard to finish it. Not only for my title, but also to remind myself that despite this difficulty I know I have, I can overcome it.
Well, good luck to me....
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
busy busy busy
It was just a month ago when I felt a little empty. Guilty. For not doing anything except eat, sleep and watch Gossip Girl and all the Oscar nominees. Now, I'm in the wild world of my practicum in UP, with a pale attempt to finish all my unfinished master's degree business.
It's really hard, you know. The program we are in is quite intensive, and with its condensed lesson plans, I feel myself losing control. I cannot calculate my time, I sweat beads in front of my students, and after my second session I feel that there is always something wrong with how or what I am teaching.
My daughter is also shortchanged here. My attention to her and her dad are divided now. That sometimes, I catch myself thinking about all the things I need to print instead of listening to my husband's cuento. And my daughter? She kind of knows that early in the morning is Mama Work time. How sad, sad, sad.
But, as I say how hectic and harassed I feel (photo-finish), there is a big part of me that feels excited and fulfilled. It has been more than a year since I last taught in front of children. And bragging aside, it's creepy to realize I do have that gift of connecting with them, that I have not yet lost that passion to teach. Every child is still a life to reach out to, to touch. And I still feel this tremendous amount of responsibility for each one to learn.
I keep telling myself I will give my children (well if another one will be coming, I only have one for now) a few years before I work full time again. But I am also scared that I might get impatient and restless, and so I am thinking of meeting my and their needs halfway. I probably will tutor (to apply my MA) and will think of another racket (a preschool maybe?). Well, we will see. But I have to finish my MA first. Oh, why is that so HAARRRRD??
It's really hard, you know. The program we are in is quite intensive, and with its condensed lesson plans, I feel myself losing control. I cannot calculate my time, I sweat beads in front of my students, and after my second session I feel that there is always something wrong with how or what I am teaching.
My daughter is also shortchanged here. My attention to her and her dad are divided now. That sometimes, I catch myself thinking about all the things I need to print instead of listening to my husband's cuento. And my daughter? She kind of knows that early in the morning is Mama Work time. How sad, sad, sad.
But, as I say how hectic and harassed I feel (photo-finish), there is a big part of me that feels excited and fulfilled. It has been more than a year since I last taught in front of children. And bragging aside, it's creepy to realize I do have that gift of connecting with them, that I have not yet lost that passion to teach. Every child is still a life to reach out to, to touch. And I still feel this tremendous amount of responsibility for each one to learn.
I keep telling myself I will give my children (well if another one will be coming, I only have one for now) a few years before I work full time again. But I am also scared that I might get impatient and restless, and so I am thinking of meeting my and their needs halfway. I probably will tutor (to apply my MA) and will think of another racket (a preschool maybe?). Well, we will see. But I have to finish my MA first. Oh, why is that so HAARRRRD??
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Training for 10k
I have been running since January, my birthday. From Happy Run, I just kept joining 5k races, and of course, I never win. I started with 49 mins, now I am down to 40 mins. Yes, a big difference, but I feel that my speed is not picking up at all. I have joined the following:
Happy Run
DLS Run
Dare To Care
Doc Fit
Condura Run
Pinay In Action
Slimmerun
Only in Pinay In Action did I run from beginning to the end. So I am really a beginner in this kind of sport, but by God, I really love it. I get chills from watching people all running and trying to convince themsleves that they can do it, including me. I know I look kinda dumb running, but I don't really care. I feel like a child who is given a favorite toy....
Recently, I have made a decision to train not for speed but for endurance. I felt that I needed to challenge myself, and maybe, if I lengthen my distance, speed may just improve. Yesterday, I ran 6.6 k in UP, for about an hour. My husband said that's so slow, but I was really proud of myself, because I did not think I was going to last that long running, no walking at all. So I guess I can see baby steps in my improvement. I am just hoping my knees are strong enough for me to reach my goal...
Happy Run
DLS Run
Dare To Care
Doc Fit
Condura Run
Pinay In Action
Slimmerun
Only in Pinay In Action did I run from beginning to the end. So I am really a beginner in this kind of sport, but by God, I really love it. I get chills from watching people all running and trying to convince themsleves that they can do it, including me. I know I look kinda dumb running, but I don't really care. I feel like a child who is given a favorite toy....
Recently, I have made a decision to train not for speed but for endurance. I felt that I needed to challenge myself, and maybe, if I lengthen my distance, speed may just improve. Yesterday, I ran 6.6 k in UP, for about an hour. My husband said that's so slow, but I was really proud of myself, because I did not think I was going to last that long running, no walking at all. So I guess I can see baby steps in my improvement. I am just hoping my knees are strong enough for me to reach my goal...
Sunday, April 5, 2009
My Daughter's Birthday
It was my daughter's second birthday today. I started the day with my training, an easy 3.4 k run, and greeted my sweet Ava a happy birthday when she awoke. We had a really simple day today. Went to mass at nine with her lolo and lola and ninang, I treated the family to Mc Donalds and Ava indulged in french fries, rested in the afternoon but attended a 7th birthday party of Rod's friend's daughter. After, we ordered pizza and ate in her Lola Nieves' house, where everyone doted on my little one.
Gosh, another year. I am so thankful that Ava is healthy and strong, well a little too headstrong, but I am glad that I am with her everyday, and now she is attempting to sing and talk in sentences, and climbs up the stairs with more confidence (and more fear for me). Well I cannot help but feel excited, but at the same time scared as she has now entered the wild world of the terrible two stage. All the crying, and the tantrums, and I definitely see a big difference from how she was when she just turned one and now that she is two. She used to be so clingy with me, but now she prefers her yaya's, that in a way makes me feel horrible. Well, I know I should not compete, but should instead be glad that so many people love my daughter.
Anyway, I hope that someday, she may be able to read this message I have for her:
Cutie Pie, I love you very very much and I am so thankful God gave you to me and your dada- Mama
Love love love my baby.
Gosh, another year. I am so thankful that Ava is healthy and strong, well a little too headstrong, but I am glad that I am with her everyday, and now she is attempting to sing and talk in sentences, and climbs up the stairs with more confidence (and more fear for me). Well I cannot help but feel excited, but at the same time scared as she has now entered the wild world of the terrible two stage. All the crying, and the tantrums, and I definitely see a big difference from how she was when she just turned one and now that she is two. She used to be so clingy with me, but now she prefers her yaya's, that in a way makes me feel horrible. Well, I know I should not compete, but should instead be glad that so many people love my daughter.
Anyway, I hope that someday, she may be able to read this message I have for her:
Cutie Pie, I love you very very much and I am so thankful God gave you to me and your dada- Mama
Love love love my baby.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
EraserHeads Hangover
I am so lucky I got to watch Eraser heads last night. I went with my UP friends, and we braved the MOA (with its crazy traffic) and paid P1,300 for a very memorable night such as this. Well, so sad we were not able to witness the first set, but hell, we were there for the FINAL one! Here's my list of memorable events that transpired that night...
1. The production was very very good, with the cameras for each member for peasant audiences such as us who could only compare their actual sizes with our fat fingers... I loved the whole effects of blue and hazy when they sang Spolarium... thought that was totally captivating. And the fireworks were overwhelming, too..
2. The band sang Magasin as their first song, which engaged the audience right away.
3. I realized I didn't know all their songs, but I had fun listening to them. Some even reminded me of Simon and Garfunkle and the Beatles' Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club.
4. ELY BUENDIA WILL ALWAYS BE MY COLLEGE and FOREVER CRUSH... (I am really wondering how I can stalk him....) My God, when he sang Kailan with the spotlight on him, hands on his pockets, and the lonely piano playing, I thought, how come I never attracted rockers in my life? Drat.... I loved his first look, his pink polo with a bitin tie, aviator shades, and wind blown hair!!! Makes me want to go back to college again....
5. Their whole acoustic set was a little awkward, until they sang Pare Ko. Loved it when finally, Ely said Tang Ina!!! Woohoo, I thought that was a hoot. They looked more comfortable this time, so maybe there is a chance of reuniting????
6. I loved Marcus' reggae version of Wag Mo Na!!! He brought so much comic relief...
7. Raimund reminded me of the Prodigy.. I forgot though what he sang but he was a hoot!
8. The tribute to Francis M when they sang the chorus of Kaleidoscope World was touching. I mean, why was it so timely that Francis M had to pass away the day before their concert? Looking back, I remember the EHeads had a concert in Studebakers that our organization in college handled. They sang SuperProxy and in the album, Francis M really rapped one part of the song. We were so surprised that Francis M appeared in fundraiser with the Eheads to rap his part of SuperProxy, and stayed to enjoy drinks with the band after... God bless his soul... He was such a beaming ray of light to all of us....
9. They sang Alapaap, one of their very best songs, which they had already done in their previous reunion concert... Now to my husband's dismay, I can't stop singing the papapapapapa.....
10. AAAAAHHHH!!! They sang Minsan, a song that I really find sentimental. I remember years ago, ABS CBN had this commercial about congratulating the graduates of 1994, that was my high school year, I saw the whole campaign and I noticed as they flashed pictures of graduates, they played that wonderful song. It really reminds me of my youth, of UP, of friendship. I also realized that it was their song, that once in their ever dynamic lives, they were ones such good, good friends... And their break up in the past did cause a feeling of personal loss. Because for me, they can't really survive without each other, right?
11. Ely set the piano on fire!!!!
12. Talk about jamming!!!! When they said good bye, and we were all lining up, they appeared again and sang 3 for the road... This I will never forget, Ligaya (my "acquaintance" with the group), Sem Break (my first sem break in UP), and Toyang (my undying love for Ely-mwaahahahha!!) My friends and I will never EVER forget that...
Well, those are the only things I remember. I hope they realize that they can't succeed without each other, it's as if they need each other to make it work, right?
1. The production was very very good, with the cameras for each member for peasant audiences such as us who could only compare their actual sizes with our fat fingers... I loved the whole effects of blue and hazy when they sang Spolarium... thought that was totally captivating. And the fireworks were overwhelming, too..
2. The band sang Magasin as their first song, which engaged the audience right away.
3. I realized I didn't know all their songs, but I had fun listening to them. Some even reminded me of Simon and Garfunkle and the Beatles' Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club.
4. ELY BUENDIA WILL ALWAYS BE MY COLLEGE and FOREVER CRUSH... (I am really wondering how I can stalk him....) My God, when he sang Kailan with the spotlight on him, hands on his pockets, and the lonely piano playing, I thought, how come I never attracted rockers in my life? Drat.... I loved his first look, his pink polo with a bitin tie, aviator shades, and wind blown hair!!! Makes me want to go back to college again....
5. Their whole acoustic set was a little awkward, until they sang Pare Ko. Loved it when finally, Ely said Tang Ina!!! Woohoo, I thought that was a hoot. They looked more comfortable this time, so maybe there is a chance of reuniting????
6. I loved Marcus' reggae version of Wag Mo Na!!! He brought so much comic relief...
7. Raimund reminded me of the Prodigy.. I forgot though what he sang but he was a hoot!
8. The tribute to Francis M when they sang the chorus of Kaleidoscope World was touching. I mean, why was it so timely that Francis M had to pass away the day before their concert? Looking back, I remember the EHeads had a concert in Studebakers that our organization in college handled. They sang SuperProxy and in the album, Francis M really rapped one part of the song. We were so surprised that Francis M appeared in fundraiser with the Eheads to rap his part of SuperProxy, and stayed to enjoy drinks with the band after... God bless his soul... He was such a beaming ray of light to all of us....
9. They sang Alapaap, one of their very best songs, which they had already done in their previous reunion concert... Now to my husband's dismay, I can't stop singing the papapapapapa.....
10. AAAAAHHHH!!! They sang Minsan, a song that I really find sentimental. I remember years ago, ABS CBN had this commercial about congratulating the graduates of 1994, that was my high school year, I saw the whole campaign and I noticed as they flashed pictures of graduates, they played that wonderful song. It really reminds me of my youth, of UP, of friendship. I also realized that it was their song, that once in their ever dynamic lives, they were ones such good, good friends... And their break up in the past did cause a feeling of personal loss. Because for me, they can't really survive without each other, right?
11. Ely set the piano on fire!!!!
12. Talk about jamming!!!! When they said good bye, and we were all lining up, they appeared again and sang 3 for the road... This I will never forget, Ligaya (my "acquaintance" with the group), Sem Break (my first sem break in UP), and Toyang (my undying love for Ely-mwaahahahha!!) My friends and I will never EVER forget that...
Well, those are the only things I remember. I hope they realize that they can't succeed without each other, it's as if they need each other to make it work, right?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Sunset, Sunrise
It's 8:45 in the morning and I am wondering why my baby girl and my husband are still asleep. I thought I was the hog, well, it looks like my daughter inherited this "gene" from me. Anyway, I woke up at 8 in the morning, and I realized the fact that I am a pretty nocturnal person after all.
Well, not really, oh.... well, if you were to ask me, my favorite part of the day is when the sun sets. Yup, that's it. Why? I don't know. Maybe because sunsets mean a lot of things, first, my passion for the beach. So beautiful to see faces touched with shades of red, orange, and yellow, and everybody smiling and having a great time. The sunset is a sign of a day well spent (working), and the promise of an evening of unwinding. I think that's where the "happy hour" was based, right? After a hard day's work, here comes time to enjoy and relax. I find it really sad that many companies demand so much from their employees, that their employees hardly see any daylight because of their heavy load and dreadful deadlines.
Since I prefer evenings over mornings, (I swear, sometimes you see me in the morning with my mouth open, staring blankly), I choose to sleep at around 10-11 pm, surfing the net, watching E news live, only after I have successfully put my daughter to sleep. There are nights when I choose to stay up late, ignoring the feeling of drowsiness, for what? I don't know. Wala lang. Tamad matulog. Kind of dumb, right? Because in the middle of the night, I have to wake up and go to the bathroom, or change my daughter's diaper, or prepare her milk. And then I regret my laziness to succumb in slumber.
Nowadays, though, since I have incorporated days for races, I am forced to wake up at 4 am on Sundays. My eyes are still half closed, I change into my singlet and my running shorts. I really hate it that the world is still dark and quiet. I feel like some thief trying to escape from the stillness of early morning.
But because of these races I get to see the mysterious side of the sunrise. I tell you, it's equally beautiful as the sunset!! The skies from their black tones, become grey, then dark blue, and dawn starts breaking in, and streaks of white and yellow appear, and before you know it, the ever changing sky becomes periwinkle, and the world evolves into one that we are used to. It's a weird feeling because I hate waking up so early due to lack of sleep, numbness, and all that crap. But when I see this, I also get the feeling of achievement that this occurrence is an everyday mundane thing, but I am only one of the few who gets to see it unfold. It's like I am led into an open secret, and I get to enjoy its hidden beauty.
Though the beauty of the sunrise is tempting, i you were to ask me if I will change my lifestyle to witness it some more, I don't think I'd do it. It's in my system already to sleep late and wake up late. I know that to appreciate something this magnificent, I would have to do it rarely, so I won't take it for granted. It's like the secret to a lasting friendship, you see your friend in small doses. That way you don't breed any contempt due to familiarity.
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