busy busy busy

It was just a month ago when I felt a little empty. Guilty. For not doing anything except eat, sleep and watch Gossip Girl and all the Oscar nominees. Now, I'm in the wild world of my practicum in UP, with a pale attempt to finish all my unfinished master's degree business.

It's really hard, you know. The program we are in is quite intensive, and with its condensed lesson plans, I feel myself losing control. I cannot calculate my time, I sweat beads in front of my students, and after my second session I feel that there is always something wrong with how or what I am teaching.

My daughter is also shortchanged here. My attention to her and her dad are divided now. That sometimes, I catch myself thinking about all the things I need to print instead of listening to my husband's cuento. And my daughter? She kind of knows that early in the morning is Mama Work time. How sad, sad, sad.

But, as I say how hectic and harassed I feel (photo-finish), there is a big part of me that feels excited and fulfilled. It has been more than a year since I last taught in front of children. And bragging aside, it's creepy to realize I do have that gift of connecting with them, that I have not yet lost that passion to teach. Every child is still a life to reach out to, to touch. And I still feel this tremendous amount of responsibility for each one to learn.

I keep telling myself I will give my children (well if another one will be coming, I only have one for now) a few years before I work full time again. But I am also scared that I might get impatient and restless, and so I am thinking of meeting my and their needs halfway. I probably will tutor (to apply my MA) and will think of another racket (a preschool maybe?). Well, we will see. But I have to finish my MA first. Oh, why is that so HAARRRRD??