Arrrggghhh.....

I am so angry. I mean it. I don't even know why anymore. Or with whom. The anger just keeps piling up until I guess it it's time to explode.


I noticed a stupid phenomenon. Is it mercury retrograde of some sort? It's as if I cannot get the message through, and back to me. What is wrong with me??


My thesis adviser whom I consider a god of knowledge thought that I was being irresponsible and arrogant. If she only knew, I'm even worse!! Haha. No, really, and all because I got the wrong information. I mean really, instead of people scolding their students, why can't they see our effort? I know how hard it is to complete my thesis. As my good friend who is equally gifted said, they should be happy and grateful I'm trying to finish this!! Bless her!! And this is one of those days that I want to give up.


Except that my really hurried and sloppy draft is waiting for me in my adviser's room. With all the corrections, COMMENTS, or even a clean draft which means, do it all over again. GOD, the waiting is killing me.


I seriously want to just stop. But part of me, a big part of me wants to fight this. It's really easy to walk away. But I guess everyone has his/her stressors. And this is mine. At least I can say that if I don't get to finish it, I fought a good fight. With teaching, I'm already at a point in my life that I know I'm good at it. But with a thesis, I always need to defend myself and it makes me feel really insecure. It's like I'm dumb and I have to pay them to confirm that I am.


Breathe, dear. Tomorrow is another day. And tomorrow I will get my draft and kill all the bad thoughts I have in my brain.