Bed Rest

It has been three years since I got pregnant. Somehow, motherhood overshadows the dark memories. This pregnancy, however, turns out to be more delicate than my first. Age, probably? Anyway, I dont remember spotting when I had Ava, and now, its like it is part and parcel of my first trimester.

Gosh, I have not had a life for about two weeks now, I have developed a fortress, forever in my bedroom. Watching Brothers and Sisters (I am almost up to date), reading to and with Ava, trying hard to enjoy every minute. But yes, I fail from time to time. I worry, sometimes, because I throw up almost everything I take in (lost 5 lbs since I got pregnant), I feel weak, and helpless. I miss going out, working out, living my life.

But then again, I have seen the baby in my womb. And despite the bitter taste I am struggling with, this baby is very strong willed and stubborn. And seeing his/her heart beat in that black screen, I get inspired to fight all the negative stuff I deal with, all the stuff I worry or dread. I hope for the best, that this child will be strong, and healthy, and for all that I have offered as sacrifice to make his/her life better. Hopefully my challenges will make this baby better.